The past fourteen days, like all epochs reduced to memes and cable news chyrons, have revealed the cyclical farce of power—a pantomime of bullies, billionaires, and eggs priced like bullion. We chronicle here the struggles of the recently unemployed, the begrudging representatives of the people, along with their staff who really just want to drop the R and F word without repercussions… but now that woke is dead, they still won’t say it.
In the children’s theater of democracy, world leaders—continually summoned to the asphalt hinterlands of a metaphorical middle school called the White House—find themselves cornered in the empty government halls by the administration. Recently, in a taxpayer-funded episode of Mean Girls, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was reprimanded by hall monitor JD Vance, who demanded fealty to join the country’s kickball team, further proving he was most definitely not invited to the cool kids’ parties.