No, no, great job, you disintegrated our Death Star, the first-ever pedestrian-only planet. You drove a million miles just to ruin a perfectly lovely living space.
Just admit you were jealous of our commute and hated the idea of us enjoying a holistic work-life-play housing concept optimized to balance labor and leisure.
You couldn’t bear to watch us walk with our friends to work or see us enjoy the bonding comforts of a carefully designed, open-plan, living-first colony. It’s honestly sad.
Coming in your massive, individual vehicles—not a single one of you carpooled. It’s classic rebel exceptionalism.
What were you so mad about, anyway? We were exclusively blowing up planets without protected bike lanes or recessed pedestrian crossings. Those people were already 75 percent more likely to die in pedestrian-related accidents.
“That’s no moon.” Yeah, no shit. We had a fully internalized pneumatic trash system, which we know you guys broke, by the way. Floor-to-ceiling windows, smart doors, vaulted ceilings, and housing for two million people.