Welcome, come on in. Let me give you a tour of our new bathroom. We’ve painted the walls a beautiful sage green, installed a double sink vanity, and replaced our perfectly fine, functioning bathroom door with a sliding barn door. It’s exactly like a regular door, except it never closes.
That five-inch chasm between the door and the wall is not a design flaw. Our interior decorator has assured us it’s the next evolution in “open concept.” Now, nothing in this house happens behind closed doors, because we don’t have any. If you need to rip a cartoonish fart that sounds like a GarageBand sound effect, give us a heads-up, and we’ll make sure to turn all the music off and immediately stop talking.
Where are my manners? Can I get you anything to eat? I just made a batch of deviled eggs. Maybe some broccoli cheddar quiche?