Listen up, brother. I am here to tell you what real men already know: a REAL man can only reach peak masculinity when he’s gape-mouthed—his dental amalgam straight-up gleaming—ripping yawns like a legend. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen anything as majestic as a fully grown adult man, arms crossed atop his belly, unfurling a yawn with dazzling guttural vibrato? That, son, is grade-A silverback. I’m talking apex virility in motion.
Let me explain something to you. Alpha men are hard-wired to do three things: a) hock loogies, b) only talk about protein intake, and c) yawn in public with the intensity of an apoplectic grizzly bear.