Greetings! If you’re reading this semi-legible note, it means that you’ve royally ticked off King Stenkill the Merciless, and you now find yourself falling at a maximum speed of two hundred miles per hour. As the self-elected mayor and official greeter of this bottomless pit, let me be the first to say welcome to your new home.
Rest assured that the legend is true: the pit is, in fact, bottomless. You need not worry about a quickly approaching dungeon floor on which you’ll pop and splatter like a cantaloupe. Nor will you ever arrive in China, the liquid magma core of the earth, or even hell. Let’s put it this way: if there is a bottom to this thing, we still haven’t found it.
I bet you’re probably a bit peckish. Panic-inducing adrenaline flooding your nervous system will do that. So, feel free to try and grab some of the pigweeds growing out of the walls. Don’t let the name fool you—they taste terrible. Still, pigweed can grow without sunlight, so… win?
But avoid touching the bricks if you want to keep all your fingers.