“President Trump’s declaration on Saturday that he had authorized the use of federal forces to ‘protect war-ravaged’ Portland, Ore., prompted bewilderment and frustration—and more than a little sarcasm—in the city this weekend.”
— New York Times
Help reshelve the books with pics of naked women in them that middle school boys have left strewn around Powell’s.
Put a stop to the ungodly ice-cream flavor combinations at Salt and Straw.
Institute a ban on wimps who use umbrellas.
Censor the outrageous cost for one, single penis-shaped Voodoo Doughnut.
Aggressive DOGE-style 20 percent reduction in the number of mediocre craft breweries.
Stop the radical liberal reeducation campaign to erase Oregon’s colonial history by allowing employees statewide to play The Oregon Trail during office hours.
Resurrect Shari’s Café and Pies, a tragic victim of cancel culture (not paying taxes).





