Don’t panic, America. Yes, we launched strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities. Yes, technically, that is an act of war. And yes, the rest of the world is currently googling “how to survive World War III.”
But let’s all take a deep breath while the oxygen is still available to us in this pre-fallout world. This was a tactical strike. Tactical. You know, like when a toddler throws a tantrum but only breaks the cheap furniture.
Listen, it’s 2025. We’ve tried diplomacy. We’ve tried economic sanctions. We’ve tried sternly worded emails. But have we tried blowing up underground nuclear-enrichment sites and hoping that leads to de-escalation?
Exactly. Not since the last time we did it.
And that one mostly worked. Except for the part where it didn’t.
Operation Midnight Hammer was a surgical strike, not in the “this will save lives” kind of way, but in the “we used a scalpel to set your house on fire” kind of way. Precision violence is still violence, but it sounds much more manageable when you say it in a calm voice and wear a suit.