President Trump has announced a sweeping plan of tariffs against dozens of nations, including the Antarctic Heard and McDonald Islands, which are uninhabited by humans but very much inhabited by penguins. The fake liberal media criticized this as a mistake, but Trump’s tariffs are actually a brilliant long-term strategy to help America win the war against birds.
Birds have taken advantage of America’s generosity for too long. Every year, millions of illegal and undocumented birds cross the border into American airspace. These birds come here to commit criminal acts (e.g., pooping on Teslas) and to take our jobs (e.g., pooping on Teslas). There are even reports that some birds fly in violent gangs called “murders,” probably to support Hamas.
Every day, good Americans face the dangerous threat of birds. Birds are not the cute, harmless animals depicted in the mainstream media. Birds have sharp beaks that can poke American eyes, talons that can stab American hearts, and feathers that can tickle American noses and cause American sneezes.