Reading

Created
Wed, 24/12/2025 - 05:00

7:00-8:30 A.M. Wake up whenever I want—no kids!

9 A.M. Open library, feeling refreshed and ready for the day.

10:30 A.M. Send another overdue notice to the impish man who checked out Tom Sawyer months ago and listed last known address as “Heaven.” Men like this are why I’m a single spinster.

12:30 P.M. Head to the eye doctor after lunch. Need new glasses as eyesight continues to deteriorate due to being said single spinster. Told by doctor it could improve if I cut down on reading and start dating adult men who shout “Hee-haw!”

1:30 P.M. Go straight to chiropractor from eye doctor to check on weird gait I picked up. Given similar advice: condition is degenerative and can only be corrected with holy matrimony.

2:15 P.M. Return to library. Intend to ignore medical advice but have strange urge to find man who will lasso me the moon.

2:30 P.M. Catalog some books. Read some books. Take quick midafternoon break and head to The Old Maid Store. Purchase new ugly hat and unflattering trench.

Created
Wed, 24/12/2025 - 00:00

“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”
Forget the naughty-and-nice list; we need a third list for morons. What the hell are you going to do with a hippopotamus? You do not have the resources or space to effectively care for a wild animal in your residential home, especially one without an in-ground swimming pool. Not to mention, you clearly have zero concern for my safety. How the hell do you expect me to transport this thing to you in a sleigh without getting mauled? As if I don’t already have enough to worry about, trying to deliver presents in Stand Your Ground states. Absolutely not.

“My Grown-Up Christmas List”
Oh, no more war? Yeah, let me get right on that. Imagine this whole time I’ve had the ability to stop all war, but didn’t because I was waiting for Amy Grant to ask me to. Can we be serious for two fucking seconds? I run a workshop run by elves. If you were an actual grown-up, you’d be realistic. How about a weighted blanket? Or whiskey stones? Now that’s a grown-up Christmas list.

“White Christmas”
I don’t control the weather.

Created
Tue, 23/12/2025 - 20:00

Long-time viewers of Adam Curtis’s BBC documentaries might see a trailer for Shifty, his new five-part online-only series, and wonder if it is saying anything new. ‘There come moments in societies when the foundations of power begin to move’ reads the caption, and we see Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Stephen Hawking, Ian Curtis, […]

Created
Tue, 23/12/2025 - 15:30
Forecasting period-average exchange rates requires using high-frequency data to efficiently construct forecasts and to test the accuracy of these forecasts against the traditional random walk hypothesis. To achieve this, we construct the first real-time dataset of daily effective exchange rates for all available countries, both nominal and real. The real-time vintages account for the typical delay in the publication of trade weights and inflation. Our findings indicate that forecasts constructed with daily data can significantly improve accuracy, up to 40 per cent compared to using monthly averages. We also find that unlike bilateral exchange rates, daily effective exchange rates exhibit properties distinct from random walk processes. When applying efficient estimation and testing methods made possible for the first time by the daily data, we find new evidence of real-time predictability for effective exchange rates in up to fifty per cent of countries.
Created
Tue, 23/12/2025 - 09:00

A great star shines over a stable in Bethlehem. The Three Kings arrive and kneel before the Holy Family.

BALTHAZAR: We come bearing gifts for the newborn king, O Holy Ones.

MARY: Just put them on the table. We’re doing a white elephant thing this year.

MELCHIOR: White elephant?! Where?

MARY: No, we take turns opening gifts. You can keep the one you open, or switch with anyone else. What could possibly go wrong?

GASPAR: The King of Kings was meant to bring peace on Earth. This will surely cause hatred, greed, and jealousy.

MARY: Oh, it’ll be fun. I’ll start. Ooooh. Gold! Now THAT is a present. Thank you! You’re up, Melchior.

MELCHIOR: I want to go on the record saying I think this is a bad idea. But let’s see. Hmmm, myrrh. I’m going to be honest—I’m a wise man, and even I don’t know what myrrh is. So, I’ll switch it for the gold. Is that how this works?

Created
Tue, 23/12/2025 - 05:00

Dear Valued Child,

This letter was slipped into your stocking to inform you that we recently identified a breach of our North Pole Magic Systems (NPMS) that may have compromised your personal data—namely, the thousands of hours of footage we have of when you are sleeping, as well as when you are awake.

How did the breach occur?

Shortly after Thanksgiving, we detected that a person within the NPMS organization (identity redacted for anonymity) clicked on a link entitled, “Winner!!! Claim FREE 6XL Red Coat With Fur Trim Now!” Regrettably, this turned out to be a phishing scheme that exploited a vulnerability in our system. We now understand that the innocent enchantment of believing hearts is not a reliable form of cybersecurity.

While we have yet to pinpoint the attacker’s identity, we have narrowed the suspects down to three previous perpetrators of crimes against the season: E. Scrooge, Mr. Grinch, and Big City Lady-Lawyer With Christmas Eve Deadline.