Reading
It’s that magical time of year again. Candles and poinsettias decorate every surface, small children are dressed as sheep, angels are telling people to “Fear not.” So, really, with Christmas just hours away, what do any of us have to fear?
Me, bitch.
I’m the high A flat at the end of “O Holy Night,” and I’m not optional. I’m printed right there in the second ending after the coda, soaring above the treble clef line. I will be sung.
Were you thinking about presents? The ham defrosting at home? The birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the most humble and abject of circumstances? Not anymore!
It says “Special Music: O Holy Night” right there in the bulletin, between the sermon and the offering, and now you’re not going to be able to think about anything else. You’ll be on the edge of your seat waiting for me, because you’ve heard way too many singers screech and waver and get me all wrong. What catastrophe awaits this time?
And just like that, I’ve hijacked the whole service.
First, let’s get one thing clear, Santa: I ain’t a scab. The collective bargaining agreement clearly mandates the sleigh be led by a union-approved eight-reindeer team. Your little “won’t you guide my sleigh tonight” routine is a bald attempt to dilute the team’s negotiating power.
No matter how hurtful their teasing about my shiny red nose, I continue to stand in solidarity with my fellow reindeer.
It’s an open secret among the elves that you’re guilty of gross negligence regarding reindeer safety. True, this is an especially foggy Christmas Eve, but the sleigh ride takes place in the dead of night every single year. No one can see a thing. Dasher, Dancer, et. al. have begged you to equip the sleigh with proper lighting. Instead of headlights, all they get is gaslight: your snide remarks about antler length, your expectation that we should be satisfied with carrots and melted snow-water while you hoard the supply of cookies and milk, your use of mistletoe to sanction sexual misconduct.
LA District Attorney Nathan Hochman is playing politics by raising the specter of the death penalty for the murders of Rob and Michele Reiner.
The post Prosecutor Floating Death Penalty for Nick Reiner Knows It’s an Empty Threat appeared first on The Intercept.
After Trump’s plan for Gaza went into effect, governments seemed eager to return to the status quo.
The post International Pressure Was Building to Hold Israel Accountable. What Happened? appeared first on The Intercept.
Insights from Nautilus in 2025
The post The Most Beautiful Science of the Year appeared first on Nautilus.
Hundreds joined protest vigils in Sydney and Melbourne on 22 December to reject the effort to blame the Palestine movement for the horrific antisemitic terror attack at Bondi, and to oppose further restrictions on protest. Over 300 gathered in Sydney following NSW Premier Chris Minns’ plan to ban Palestine protests. Minns recalled NSW Parliament to […]
The post Protest vigils reject efforts to hijack Bondi grief to smear Palestine movement first appeared on Solidarity Online.
In 1979, the cultural theorist Stuart Hall wrote with reference to Britain’s impending shift to the Right that political restructuring doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Rather, he argued, ‘[I]t works on the ground of already constituted social practices and lived ideologies … it wins space by constantly drawing on these elements which have secured over time […]
A particularly massive and chaotic baby planetary system captured in exquisite detail
The post This Big Space Sandwich Broke a Record appeared first on Nautilus.
New research points to a wide band of particles, invisible to telescopes
The post Saturn’s Rings Are Thicker Than We Thought appeared first on Nautilus.
Even when they have to pay more to avoid it
The post Americans Don’t Seem to Enjoy Negotiating appeared first on Nautilus.
Workers at Harry Hartog and Berkelouw Books have walked out on strike again from Saturday 20 December for five days until Christmas Eve, after another insulting wage offer from management.
The post Workers strike for pay and penalty rates at Harry Hartog and Berkelouw books first appeared on Solidarity Online.
Apex predators and people may get the highest doses
The post How All Those Forever Chemicals End Up on Your Plate appeared first on Nautilus.
And they stand to make millions more in cash bonuses for surveilling and tracking immigrants in service of ICE’s deportation machine.
The post 10 Companies Have Already Made $1 Million as ICE Bounty Hunters. We Found Them. appeared first on The Intercept.
By breaking with Trump, Greene might be looking to broaden her appeal ahead of 2028 — or trying to claim the MAGA mantle.
The post Marjorie Taylor Greene Is Rebranding for the Post-MAGA Era. Centrists Are Falling for It. appeared first on The Intercept.
Oregon fish and amphibians are surprisingly resilient
The post The Stream Animals Thriving After a Megafire appeared first on Nautilus.
Before ordering a second strike on their boat, Adm. Frank Bradley sought legal advice from JSOC’s top lawyer, Col. Cara Hamaguchi, The Intercept has learned.
The post U.S. Military Killed Boat Strike Survivors for Not Surrendering Correctly appeared first on The Intercept.
7:00-8:30 A.M. Wake up whenever I want—no kids!
9 A.M. Open library, feeling refreshed and ready for the day.
10:30 A.M. Send another overdue notice to the impish man who checked out Tom Sawyer months ago and listed last known address as “Heaven.” Men like this are why I’m a single spinster.
12:30 P.M. Head to the eye doctor after lunch. Need new glasses as eyesight continues to deteriorate due to being said single spinster. Told by doctor it could improve if I cut down on reading and start dating adult men who shout “Hee-haw!”
1:30 P.M. Go straight to chiropractor from eye doctor to check on weird gait I picked up. Given similar advice: condition is degenerative and can only be corrected with holy matrimony.
2:15 P.M. Return to library. Intend to ignore medical advice but have strange urge to find man who will lasso me the moon.
2:30 P.M. Catalog some books. Read some books. Take quick midafternoon break and head to The Old Maid Store. Purchase new ugly hat and unflattering trench.