In these uncertain times, you need a steady hand at the wheel. An unblinking beacon of sure-footed decisiveness. A fearless, damn-the-torpedoes leader who will flawlessly accomplish every goal.
You don’t have that person. But good news: You have me, a uniquely well-qualified ball of anxiety, ready to worry about the fact that you don’t have that person. And also about the fact that you have torpedoes. That seems like a bad idea for a rudderless organization.
“But our budget can’t accommodate another executive!” you may protest. Shhh. Don’t worry your pretty little head; that’s my job. My perturbation is completely pro bono. I will knit my brows, second-guess, and perseverate without compensation of any kind.
I require no specific hours of work. I stand ready to contribute round-the-clock, unmitigated what-ifisms to any and every to-do list, whether or not it’s in my job description.
