Tue, 16/04/2024 - 03:00

Mom, Dad, we just wanted to assure you that your trust-fund son’s transplant was a success.

We weren’t too concerned—transplants to Brooklyn have a 98 percent success rate—but there can always be complications.

A transplant can reject its new host city in the event of a few conditions:

  • Doorman deficiency
  • Pre-existing neighborhood culture
  • Persistent small businesses

Just make sure to monitor his rent levels closely. If all’s well, they should continue to climb indefinitely.

The procedure was minimally invasive, just a small incision in the heart of the neighborhood. We see thousands of cases like this every month, so you really have nothing to worry about. Plus, we made all the necessary preparations to ensure a smooth integration:

Tue, 16/04/2024 - 00:30
Readings from the Trump Bible The Good Liars seem actually to have sold a couple of Trump Bibles to MAGA suckers. Huffington Post: A pair of pranksters gave fans of Donald Trump a look at what a bible true to the former president might really contain. “Thou shalt put no other person above Trump,” Davram Stiefler of The Good Liars read to MAGA fans waiting outside a recent Trump event. “Thou shalt commit adultery,” read Jason Selvig, the other half other comedic duo. Trump last month began hawking a “God Bless The USA Bible” ― which includes the Bible, lyrics to “God Bless The USA,” and copies of documents such as the Declaration of Independence ― to fans for $59.99.  “It’s a grift, right?” Stiefler said as he attempted to sell their version of the book for a much-reduced price of $10.  And in the fullness of time, the people were grifted and there was much rejoicing. ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● For The Win, 5th Edition is ready for download.
Mon, 15/04/2024 - 23:02

Amal Clooney's conspicuous silence on Israel's actions in Palestine and Lebanon contrasts sharply with her vocal condemnation of human rights abuses elsewhere, prompting scrutiny of her allegiances and principles.

The post Amal Clooney’s Silence on Gaza Shows the Limits Of Liberalism appeared first on MintPress News.

Mon, 15/04/2024 - 23:00

While corporate mainstream media gave Israel the cover to commit genocide in Gaza, MintPress has been at the forefront of challenging atrocity propaganda and naming the names of those who profit from this massacre. For this, we have been targeted financially and algorithmically.

The post MintPress News: Pushing Back Against Atrocity Propaganda appeared first on MintPress News.

Mon, 15/04/2024 - 23:00
Move over O.J. A trial like no one’s ever seen. Hush. It’s not about money. The Donald Trump trial that begins jury selection in Manhattan today is about what elevates payments funneled to a porn star through a shall company to the level of felony. A once-skeptical Mark Joseph Stern explains at Slate, “The falsification of business records is, by itself, a misdemeanor under New York law, but it’s a felony when it’s done with the ‘intent to commit another crime or to aid or conceal the commission thereof.’” Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s pretrial briefing erased Stern’s doubts left over from the initial indictment. Stern writes: Bragg has argued, convincingly, that the former president intended to violate at least two election laws—one state, one federal. First, Bragg asserted that Trump and Cohen ran afoul of the Federal Election Campaign Act by making unlawful campaign contributions (in the form of a payoff) at the direction of a candidate (that is, Trump).
Mon, 15/04/2024 - 22:00

1. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a grad school stipend, must be in want of a ceramics class.”

2. “Shall I compare thee to my yoga classes? Thou art more messy and more expensive.”

3. “Doubt thou the kiln will fire. Doubt that the glaze doth take. Doubt that you will ever buy a home. But never doubt that you’re going to make a plate, goddamnit.”

4. “You should be bisqued, and often, and before the clay dries out.”

5. “Let me not to the marriage of handle to mug admit I forgot to score and slip.”

6. “All beautiful dinner sets are alike; each ugly dinner set is ugly in its own way.”

7. “Reader, I made a planter for my ficus.”

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The author would like to thank Eyal, Tarushi, Hannah, Rachel, and Mary Ruth.