This agreement is between me (“me”) and you (“the dog”) and is designed to govern the rules, policies, and expected behavior on our walks together.
Definitions and
walk cancellation policies
You are entitled to one (1) long walk per day, not including our four (4) regularly scheduled trips around the block so that you can conduct your business. If an urgent need arises outside of these planned trips, a signal such as pawing at the door or barking is requested before rendering diarrhea.
Each long walk will be for a period between one and three hours, and is contingent on factors like weather conditions, my current work schedule, and how much battery life remains in my earbuds.
If a long walk is not possible due to force majeure such as illness or inclement weather, you are entitled to equivalent compensation, including an indoor training session to perfect your sitting, an extra bone, and some tennis ball tosses (not to exceed one hundred tosses in a period of twelve hours. This is non-negotiable. No, really. Don’t stand next to the ball and tilt your head like that.)