MORON #1: Great wig. It must be so cool not to have to do your hair.
ME: I’ve worn a wig since my hair fell out. I got tired of people gawking at me and my bald-ass head like I was some escapee from Area 51. It’s especially fun to wear this wig during the summer months. With this wig atop my head and all that heat trapped up under there, Dante could throw a seventh-ring soiree on my scalp. So hot.
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MORON #2: Your legs are so smooth. What? You don’t even have to shave them because the chemo made your hair fall out. I’m so jealous.
ME: It’s glamorous as fuck. Cancer has changed every aspect of my life, and now I don’t even have to do the everyday things that once made me feel human. Gone are the days when I felt the deep satisfaction of that first good spring shave after letting the hair on my gams go wild all winter. Nope. Tossed that razor right out the window.