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I’m a Trump-Loving Springsteen Fanatic, and the Cognitive Dissonance Is Finally Catching Up with Me

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-a-trump-loving-springsteen-fanatic-and-t…
Created
Tue, 20/05/2025 - 09:30

“Bruce Springsteen has spoken out against the White House again after President Donald Trump called him a ‘dried-out prune’ on social media. Speaking in Manchester, England, the musician criticized the government for the second time during his Land of Hopes and Dreams tour, despite Trump previously biting back.” — Newsweek, May 18, 2025

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I’m a middle-aged guy from Jersey. A freedom-loving, meat-and-potatoes family guy. A Springsteen guy. A Trump guy.

I’ve seen the Boss forty-seven times and own one of the largest collections of Springsteen bootlegs in North America. I’ve also been a registered Republican since I was old enough to vote and was part of the great Gen X wave that brought Trump back into office.

If you’re thinking that Springsteen’s empathy for the working class and exploration of the runaway American dream are about as far as you can get from President Trump’s plans to make America great again, well, my leftist daughter would agree with you.

What if you’re wrong?

https://larspsyll.wordpress.com/2025/05/20/what-if-youre-wrong/
Created
Tue, 20/05/2025 - 08:01
. Enlightenment is man’s emergence from his self-imposed nonage. Nonage is the inability to use one’s own understanding without another’s guidance. This nonage is self-imposed if its cause lies not in lack of understanding but in indecision and lack of courage to use one’s own mind without another’s guidance. Sapere aude! “Have the courage to use […]

A Company Reminder for Everyone to Talk Nicely About the Giant Plagiarism Machine

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-company-reminder-for-everyone-to-talk-nic…
Created
Tue, 20/05/2025 - 03:00

Hey team. It’s your CEO. I know your time is valuable, so I’ll cut right to the chase: It’s come to my attention that some of you have been bad-mouthing the Giant Plagiarism Machine.

I’d like to remind you that our company policy is pro–Plagiarism Machine. We’re a tech-forward, future-oriented company that doesn’t shy away from the promise of new innovation—even if that innovation is a Giant Plagiarism Machine that copy-pastes existing innovation into fake sentient sentences.

Lately, it feels like some of you aren’t the techno-optimists I took you to be. You’ve been heard uttering slurs like “I’m worried about my job stability” and “I just don’t think it’s positive for humankind,” neither of which sounds remotely optimistic or techno. I’ve even heard shocking reports of teams failing to incorporate plagiarism into their processes, because—I can’t believe I have to repeat this—“it’s not helpful.”

Young Lady, Those Shorts Are Too Long

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/young-lady-those-shorts-are-too-long
Created
Mon, 19/05/2025 - 22:00

Honey, before you race out the door, don’t forget your backpack and your lunch and your—

Wait. Hold on a second. Back yourself right back in here.

Are those Bermuda shorts?

Don’t you lie to me. Those cuffs are at least an inch thick—you think I can’t see how many times you’ve rolled those legs up? You think I don’t know you’re going to roll them right back down to your dimpled knees the second you leave the house? How stupid do you think I am?

Hold your arms by your side.

Ohhh no, don’t bend over and slouch your shoulders so you look like a gorilla with sciatica, trying to make it seem like those shorts land in an appropriately crotch-adjacent location. You and I both know they’re too long, and they’re only going to get longer as you move around. There won’t be a hint of butt cheek in sight. People will think I let you out of the house that way!