Urban parenting is a battlefield. The best nannies, the right schools—the pressure is immense. Every decision, none more so than what to call your child, is an opportunity to stand out and gain an advantage. Sure, your suburbanite friends might find it distasteful and intense, and perhaps they’re right: not everything needs to be a competition—not a close one, anyway. Most points wins.
Will your child’s name upset your parents?
(+3 points)
Congratulations, you are about to be given the world’s most beautiful blessing: the chance to exact revenge for years of slights, both real and imagined, by instilling deep, lasting resentment in the people who gave you life. Without that, what’s the point?
Will it upset your partner’s parents?
(+10 points)
That’s the point.
Can the name be easily spelled on the first try?
(-5 points)
Respect for the historical roles of vowels and consonants would remove the opportunity to feel superior at least a few times a week. How did they not know that there are three y’s in Krystyyn? Plebeians.