I’m so sorry that my arrival gave you a fright, Mrs. Lovett—but after stumbling into your pie shop, I couldn’t help but offer up my services. You see, I’m a professional marketing consultant for local restaurants, and never in my life have I seen an establishment in such dire need of help. So please allow me to share some advice with you, the first and most important is that you simply need to stop singing a song about how terrible your pies are the second a prospective customer walks in.
I would have thought that would be obvious, but by the second chorus, I realized you weren’t aware that this is actually a major faux pas in the food service business. While the song itself was very good and quite catchy, the subject matter, detailing why the pies you’re trying to sell are, in fact, the worst in London, isn’t good marketing. Especially considering that you were squishing scurrying roaches throughout (albeit on beat with the song).